"Island Claws" review

Island Claws (1980)

Director: Hernan Cardenas
Writers: Jack Cowden Ricou Browning

Robert Lansing ... Moody
Steve Hanks ... Pete Adams
Nita Talbot ... Rosie
Jo McDonnell ... Jan Raines
Martina Deignan ... Lynn
Barry Nelson ... Dr. McNeal
Tony Rigo ... Joe
Raymond Forchion ... Jean (as Ray Forchion)
Dick Callinan ... Frank Raines

Why can't genetic experiments work like they should? They're always in a constant state of going awry. B-movie science produces a never ending stream of disastrous experiments. This in turn creates many monsters for the viewer to enjoy.

This time, science has goofed again and we get killer mutant crabs. The video box cover has a picture of a giant crab crushing a person in its mighty claws. The movie has lots of psycho normal-sized crabs and one large Styrofoam crab beast at the end. When you finally witness the spectacle that is a giant rubber crab attacking, you'll realize why the filmmakers kept it out of sight. They had to save it for the climax to prevent you from laughing all the way through the movie.

After suffering through "Tail Sting", I didn't have high hopes for "Island Claws". Since I was still in the mood to watch a giant animal attack, I had to jump back into the genre. Although "Island Claws" is nowhere near a good movie, it was more enjoyable than "Tail Sting". "Island Claws" is vaguely amusing. The battle with the giant crab at the end is good for a few laughs. Other than that, "Island Claws" is a typical B-flick. Nothing to get excited about as you'll forget the movie the second it's over.

While I found it a little amusing to see the giant crab prop get beaten up, I can't in good conscience recommend this movie. You probably shouldn't let your video renting plans for the evening go awry with "Island Claws".

SCORE: 1.5 out of 4 angry crabs

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"Tail Sting" review

Tail Sting (2001)

Director: Paul Wynne
Writers: Timothy Griffin Peter Soby Jr.

Laura Putney ... Dr. Jennifer Ryan
Robert Merrill ... Captain Jack Russell (Pilot) (as Christian Scott)
Shirly Brener ... Shannon
Gulshan Grover ... Yaffi
Tara Price ... Courtney
Jean Carol ... Flight Attendant Patti
Elizabeth Perry ... Jodie Shawback

My friend and I watched this one the other day. Giant scorpions are running amok on an airplane. They're being experimented on for some reason or another. A bunch of bad actors run around the plane as pathetic special effects snap at them with their rubber claws. There are various emergencies and sub plots that have nothing to do with scorpions but have everything to do with distracting you from thinking about all the time you're wasting watching this flick.

When "Tail Sting" was over, my friend and I discussed the merits of what we had just seen. It took about a minute before we came to an agreement. LANDFILL. Throw this garbage on the pile. Bash the foam scorpions over their muppet heads and toss them in. I'll rev up the bulldozer and bury them as deep as I can.

I don't think enough bad things can be said about this movie. Once again I expected too much from a B-movie. I wasn't expecting "Snakes on a Plane" but I was hoping there would be something amusing watching scorpions run around the cockpit. It would be tempting to call "Tail Sting" a comedy but that might imply I enjoyed it. "Tail Sting" is either trying to be a comedic take on monster movies or it is attempting to be as good as it can on its $500 budget. Either way, it was a disaster.

I'm not going to mince words here. "Tail Sting" is worthless. Why even attempt to make a monster movie when you know you can't possibly come close to making an entertaining film? The only way you could possibly like this movie is if you really love watching bad movies and get a laugh out of watching cheesy special effects in action. If that's your thing, you might get into "Tail Sting". As for me, I was in pain. Time to bury the muppet scorpions and move on.

SCORE: LANDFILL

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