Monday, September 15, 2008

"Starship Troopers 3: Marauder" review

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (2008)

Director: Edward Neumeier
Writer: Edward Neumeier

Casper Van Dien ... Colonel Johnny Rico
Jolene Blalock ... Captain Lola Beck
Stephen Hogan ... Sky Marshall Omar Anoke
Boris Kodjoe ... Gen. Dix Hauser
Amanda Donohoe ... Admiral Enolo Phid
Marnette Patterson ... Holly Little
Danny Keogh ... Dr. Wiggs

At last, Casper Van Dien.Van Dien is back in a Sci-fi movie and all is right with the world. Van Dien can make any B-movie better. I feel a sense of balance with the universe. The Force is strong with Van Dien. The filmmakers let loose Van Dien to inflict some Van Damage on alien bugs and the viewer rejoices.

So the bugs are still waging war against the likes of Van Dien and friends. Haven't they learned anything? Colonel Van Dien is now running an outpost on some distant planet while the bugs attempt to breach the perimeter. A bunch of characters converge on the outpost just in time to watch the bugs overrun the defenses. Fortunately, Van Dien is here. It all leads to a cheap but satisfying battle against the aliens. Then the movie breaks off into a couple of different stories as Van Dien gets sidelined and Captain Babe takes over. She crash lands on a bug planet and tries to lead her crew to safety.
In many ways, "Starship Troopers 3" is an enjoyable B-flick. They tried to keep the satirical tone from the first movie but the filmmakers are just not as cynical as Verhoeven to make it work as well as he did. The "Do you want to know more?" news flashes pop up frequently. It may have been too much of a good thing because after the fourth pop-up I decided I didn't want to know more. But "Starship Troopers 3" is a step in the right direction for the franchise. It attempts to get back to what made the original movie so fun but it needed another $20 ($30?) million to get even close to the bug killing massacre that Verhoeven unleashed.

But you know what "Starship Troopers 3" really needed? More Van Dien! He was the cheesy heart and soul of the original "Starship Troopers". Watching Johnny Rico go wild against the bugs should have been the whole movie. Not that I have anything against super models blasting their way across a hostile alien terrain mind you.God knows I've praised more than my share of those kinds of movies. I'm looking at you Milla Jovovich! But "Starship Troopers" is Van Dien's show. He should have been by her side through her bug trials and tribulations. Instead she found religion and prayed for a hero, holding on for a hero 'til the end of the night. A hero whose gotta be strong and gotta be fast and gotta be fresh from the fight. Pray for Van Dien. He's the only one that can save us now.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 Van Diens

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