"Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade" review

Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade (2005)

Directed by Jim Wynorski

Aria Giovanni
J. Nichole Italiano-Zaza (as Nikki Nova)

Let me make one thing clear. Nikki Nova is hot. I mean, smoking hot. Her long legs, her flowing hair, her perfect breasts… I could drool on and on. I bought this DVD because I saw that she was in it and I wanted to watch her busty crusade. As hot as she is, I still don’t think I’ve ever seen a real Nikki Nova sex scene. Nova has at least three different scenes where she’s rolling around with women, (including super babe Aria Giovanni), in lush tropical settings. But Nova is a model with a capital M. Every scene she’s in, she’s posing. Whether she’s holding a knife, a bullwhip or a woman’s breast, she never stops posing. She is constantly looking into the camera and giving it the supermodel stare. She can never concentrate on her partner(s) long enough to have a decent sex scene. It’s always a quick kiss here or a brief lick there and then right back to striking a pose. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to stare right back at her.

“Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade” is the tale of three babes named Jones and their quest to take their tops off. Since they’re in a Jim Wynorski flick, it won’t take too long. There’s also some sort of gibberish about a sexually stimulating mango that may fall into the wrong hands but since that had nothing to do with naked breasts, I wasn’t too interested. I can assure you that the filmmakers weren’t either.

Well, any skin flick that starts off with two of the babes from “Call Girl Wives” has to be good on some level. The first sex scene had the two “Wives” going at it and then getting attacked by flaming skulls. My God, they’re great together. The call girl wives I mean, not the skulls. This was the best sex scene in the movie. It truly was the only all-girl sex scene in the entire flick. The other two sex scenes were pretty weak guy/girl scenes that exist only to be fast forwarded through.

The rest of the movie consists of Nova and friends rolling around naked in the grass or on the sand. Sometimes they even rub bug lotion all over each other. They’ll take any excuse to get a little more nudity into the movie. It’s hard to condemn a movie with this much naked Nova. Sure “Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade” is a slapped together piece of nothing that was probably filmed over a long weekend in Hawaii. The cast was probably paid with a free beach vacation and all the pina coladas they could drink. But Nikki Nova is in it. And she’s naked! A lot! If that excites you, and I don’t see how it couldn’t, it’s worth a look.

SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 for Nikki, Nikki, Nikki